Uh oh. Your bridesmaids are arguing about the budget for your bridal shower (or bachelorette party) -- something you're not supposed to play a part in planning -- and it's getting ugly. Again, this group of very different women has to team up for a common goal -- the success of a party in your honor -- and you can see that they're not gelling.
Rather than step in as the peacemaker, or try to take control away from all of them, you may just have to sit back and let them figure it out. They're adults who have to find their own compromises. This is where the Maid of Honor comes into play. When you hear that there's conflict among the bridesmaids over your party, suggest to your Maid of Honor that she take the reins and set down some boundaries. MOH's are sometimes scared to take an authority position, especially when it comes to your sisters, friends and your groom's sisters, but you can encourage yours to stop the madness with an e-mail to all, reminding them that this party is in your honor, and that compromises can be reached through better communication. She can ask them to e-mail HER with questions or concerns, and she'll get right on it. [Sometimes battles occur because 'your side' complains among themselves while the groom's sisters who don't know the MOH and don't want to complain to you talk amongst themselves.] you can help solve the problem by giving the MOH permission to name herself the head of the team. Here's a note for her to send, if she wishes:
"Hello all! I just wanted to touch base about the shower plans. I understand there's some concern about the budget, so I'm going to look into hosting the party at a different location. It doesn't look like we can comfortably afford the catering bill at the country club, so an at-home party will likely be a better solution for us. In the meantime, let's talk about some great budget ways to handle the invitations, the cake and other fun details. And let's think about what (bride) would enjoy the most when it comes to games. E-mail me with your questions or suggestions anytime, and we'll all work together to make this party great for (bride)! Or, call me at (number) on the weekends. Have a great day!"
Your MOH (maid of honor)will return the focus to this party being for YOU, and no one can complain about being invited to participate in the planning.
Which brings up an important point: what if it's the MOH (maid of honor) who's being a control freak about the party plans, and the bridesmaids consider HER the problem? You'll have to step in and tell your MOH that you appreciate everything she's doing to plan a great party for you, but you're concerned that the other bridesmaids aren't as involved as they wish to be. Never say, "You're leaving them out" or anything that would make the MOH defensive. Just state Solution Lines, such as "I thought you'd want to know that Stacy's really great at making invitations, and Barbara makes wonderful desserts. I think it would be wonderful to have their contributions to the party, and I think everyone would love the savings, too." If she says, "Well, that doesn't fit into what I've envisioned!" then you're going to have to take a tougher stand: "It wouldn't be fair to ask the bridesmaids to pay for what you're coming up with, so please just step back a little and work with them as a team. I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about you or misinterpret what you're doing. I know you just want to plan a great party for me, but I'm sensing they're feeling a little bit left out."
That part about 'getting the wrong idea about you' usually stops the control freak. Because a control freak wants to be....in control, and admired for her work. A good friend can give this warning and get good results. You have to phrase it diplomatically, though. In this case, your words are very important!
By Sharon Naylor, a wedding expert at iVillage
Don't forget to visit Merrys Wedding at the end of this article
Rather than step in as the peacemaker, or try to take control away from all of them, you may just have to sit back and let them figure it out. They're adults who have to find their own compromises. This is where the Maid of Honor comes into play. When you hear that there's conflict among the bridesmaids over your party, suggest to your Maid of Honor that she take the reins and set down some boundaries. MOH's are sometimes scared to take an authority position, especially when it comes to your sisters, friends and your groom's sisters, but you can encourage yours to stop the madness with an e-mail to all, reminding them that this party is in your honor, and that compromises can be reached through better communication. She can ask them to e-mail HER with questions or concerns, and she'll get right on it. [Sometimes battles occur because 'your side' complains among themselves while the groom's sisters who don't know the MOH and don't want to complain to you talk amongst themselves.] you can help solve the problem by giving the MOH permission to name herself the head of the team. Here's a note for her to send, if she wishes:
"Hello all! I just wanted to touch base about the shower plans. I understand there's some concern about the budget, so I'm going to look into hosting the party at a different location. It doesn't look like we can comfortably afford the catering bill at the country club, so an at-home party will likely be a better solution for us. In the meantime, let's talk about some great budget ways to handle the invitations, the cake and other fun details. And let's think about what (bride) would enjoy the most when it comes to games. E-mail me with your questions or suggestions anytime, and we'll all work together to make this party great for (bride)! Or, call me at (number) on the weekends. Have a great day!"
Your MOH (maid of honor)will return the focus to this party being for YOU, and no one can complain about being invited to participate in the planning.
Which brings up an important point: what if it's the MOH (maid of honor) who's being a control freak about the party plans, and the bridesmaids consider HER the problem? You'll have to step in and tell your MOH that you appreciate everything she's doing to plan a great party for you, but you're concerned that the other bridesmaids aren't as involved as they wish to be. Never say, "You're leaving them out" or anything that would make the MOH defensive. Just state Solution Lines, such as "I thought you'd want to know that Stacy's really great at making invitations, and Barbara makes wonderful desserts. I think it would be wonderful to have their contributions to the party, and I think everyone would love the savings, too." If she says, "Well, that doesn't fit into what I've envisioned!" then you're going to have to take a tougher stand: "It wouldn't be fair to ask the bridesmaids to pay for what you're coming up with, so please just step back a little and work with them as a team. I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about you or misinterpret what you're doing. I know you just want to plan a great party for me, but I'm sensing they're feeling a little bit left out."
That part about 'getting the wrong idea about you' usually stops the control freak. Because a control freak wants to be....in control, and admired for her work. A good friend can give this warning and get good results. You have to phrase it diplomatically, though. In this case, your words are very important!
By Sharon Naylor, a wedding expert at iVillage
Don't forget to visit Merrys Wedding at the end of this article
Design your own wedding site ~Very easy!
Letter from Santa - your young ones will love receiving letters!!
Great wedding items!
http://weddingsbyashlee.blogspot.com,
Great wedding items!
http://weddingsbyashlee.blogspot.com,
http://betteswedding.livejournal.com/
Let Santa Call Your Grandchild How about a phone call from Santa?? Reserve a date and time for the call before they're all filled!! Do it today!!
www.scottfinejewelry.com The holidays are quickly approaching!! Gifts?? Checkout the good deals now!!
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Let Santa Call Your Grandchild How about a phone call from Santa?? Reserve a date and time for the call before they're all filled!! Do it today!!
www.scottfinejewelry.com The holidays are quickly approaching!! Gifts?? Checkout the good deals now!!
>
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